he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
