I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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