It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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