4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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