I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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