ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
