You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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