Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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