his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
