Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
