Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
