Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
