I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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