I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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