Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
