Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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