We won't sleep together?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
