I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize