Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
