you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
