I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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