I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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