a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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