Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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