I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
