Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
