Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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