He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
