The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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