oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
