I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ok first of all what the fuck
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
