I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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