Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
