we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
