if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize