She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
