and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
