is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
