Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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