if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
