All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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