It's like a parade of train wrecks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
