I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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