there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
