Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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