So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
