White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
PANTIES FOUND
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