how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
