It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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