It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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