we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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