Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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