It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
