i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We need to feng shui this bitch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
