Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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