She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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