i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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