Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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