after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize