Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
