Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
