you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
