One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
