Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
