My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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