I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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