Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize