margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
