If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
