you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need water and some morals
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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