I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
40s are totally the cure
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
